What are boundaries?
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Boundaries are the physical, emotional, personal and mental limits we establish to protect ourselves from being manipulated, used, or violated by others. They allow us to separate who we are and what we think and feel from the thoughts and feelings of others. Boundaries are for us. Setting boundaries helps us express ourselves as unique individuals, while acknowledging the same in others.
When we lack healthy boundaries, we open ourselves up to abuse, being taken advantage of and manipulated by others. How often have you done something for someone you said you were not going to do? How often do you feel taken advantage of? How does it feel when you know you are doing something you don’t want to do, but you don’t speak up or else you got talked into it? Not speaking up and establishing our own personal boundaries will erode our self-esteem and feed our anger and resentments toward the active addict in our lives. |
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Setting boundaries is challenging. There are 2 reasons most people don't set or follow through with maintaining boundaries...
The first reason is fear. We are afraid of the reaction will will receive. We would rather keep the peace than upset someone, feel rejected, be on the receiving end of someone's anger or being disliked. The second reason is we don't have a clear understanding of what our needs and limits are and therefore, we can't tell people what is okay for us and what isn't.
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