Do you feel lonely and/or neglected in relationships, friendships or family dynamics?
Do you feel like your needs and wants are unimportant?
Do you make yourself small because you were told you were "too much.?"
Do you bend and twist your reactions and responses because it didn't feel emotionally safe to be you?
Pretzel twisting and being someone you're not, to stay connected to the other person in the relationship, is a common pattern developed out of things learned from childhood. You don't have to continue to feel seen and not heard, abandoned, unimportant, neglected, small, silenced, too much, dumb, big, stupid, unworthy or any of the other things you have been convinced of. You are a grown person, who gets to decide who you are, your talents, your likes, dislikes, your voice, feel important, smart and completely worthy!
How did you lose yourself?
It is like cooking a frog. The frog is put in a pot of tepid water. The water temperature is slowly turned up getting hotter and hotter until it is boiling. The frog has no idea the water temperature is rising until it is too late because it happens gradually.
The same thing happens in relationships. One person starts gradually giving up their wants and needs to make the other person happy, avoid conflict, to feel important, useful, connected or a variety of other reasons. As the individual neglects what is important to them, they start adopting the interests of the other person and losing perspective on what is meaningful for them.
Finding yourself is a journey. You may feel like you have just scratched the surface and have more work to do. This will be a breeze now that you have reconnected with yourself and trust to your intuition.
Signs you have found yourself
You will start to notice changes in yourself that surprise you.