Growing In Recovery

What does it mean to recover?

During the period of active addiction, we lose our sense of self. We slowly cut off from our feelings and who we are. We sacrifice our parts of ourselves to stay disconnected and find that we are doing things that go against our own moral code. We hang out with people doing the same things we are doing so we don't look so "bad." We surround ourselves with people who are more entrenched so we don't have to look at ourselves. We do this until we have lost our identity. The world becomes a very small place as we use to live and live to use. The fear of what life will feel like without using is debilitating. This fear (false evidence appearing real), is what stops us from finding recovery. We can make that leap when the pain of being addicted becomes greater than the fear of what life be like clean and sober.

To recover something means finding something you have lost. What you have lost is you. I imagine you find yourself bumping up against situations that leave you wanting to disconnect in some way. When this happens, it is you trying to avoid the feelings. What would happen if you could feel the feelings, and just let them pass? You didn't feel the need to disengage from yourself or the people around you? You would be able to be present, with yourself and the people you love. You could find your joy!

We stop ourselves from being happy joyous and free because we are afraid of judgment. We have been told certain things about ourselves and we believe them. We believe we are too much, too loud, too dramatic, not enough, dumb, not attractive, we don't look right, we don't sound right, we can't do things, we look silly, and the list goes on and on. The people who told us these things, thought they were protecting us, caring for us, motivating us, encouraging us and teaching us. They didn't know they were hurting us.

Now that you are in recovery, you get to undo those messages and beliefs and be you... your authentic you. You get to teach the people around you how to treat you. You can choose what you want to do with your life. You get to find your joy.